How to Become a Vampire

I recently discovered on my trip to the eye doctor that it is possible to become a vampire. A feat I never thought possible. I already have overly sensitive eyes and because so the doctor always likes to preform extra tests to make sure that my eyes aren't deteriorating or something.

Finally after numerous charades and tests we got the good part, or shall I say, the transformation. Here came the eye droppers to dilate my pupils. Well actually, what they don't tell you is that they paralyze your iris so that you ability to focus on objects is no more. Ouch. One set of drops apparently was inadequate for me so after several minutes I received a second round.

At this time my eyes were burning like the fire from hell and I believed I would no longer be able to see ever again. Minutes went by that felt like hours and the burning refused to cease. As the burning became more like that of a rug burn I tried to focus on the room around me as I was now alone. Nope, couldn't see a thing. Any details were totally unseeable, if they were really there at all, and big items were totally blurring with no definite lines and edges. Great, I was blind. The doctor eventually came in and I found myself talking to a shape resembling a human with no distinct face. Because I couldn't see. Darn those eyes, now quit burning already! That was totally awkward on my part. After Mr. Chatty Cathy the doctor was done telling me about how I had this and that and yadda yadda I was free to go out and look for new frames.

I halted at the door. There was light out there. I couldn't see regardless, but the light was the ultimate curse on my eyes. My body refused to budge from the door as my mind screamed at me telling me to back up back into the dark examining room. I managed to shuffle my feet enough to get out into the hallway. I squinted through downcast eyes and managed to find my way back to the front while the ridiculously bright lights seemed to gnaw at my eyes. As I starred at what I knew was suppose to be the racks and rows of frames I could hardly distinguish one from the other.

After 20 minutes of attempting to find that cute pair of frames that should be so totally me I looked at myself in the mirror. While the reflection was still blurry I was able to notice my wavy hair giving me the look of a diva. That was new, since when did my wavy hair start having a good hair day right in the middle of the day? Pffft. I still hardly felt like a diva, instead I felt like a demon with the burning of my eyes and lack of vision. I continue to struggle through looking for frames and my eyes started to focus a little if I stood far away from what I was intending to see.

I leaned closer to the mirror with what I thought was a cute pair of frames trying to see them up close. This time my eyes actually focused. I jumped. I stood confused for a second and took off the frames. I leaned in again no expecting to be able to see anything. Again my eyes actually focused. I starred, trying to keep my mouth shut from what I saw in the mirror. My eyes. I couldn't believe it. The iris was so big that my eyes were black minus ~1mm of the old grey-green eyes that once were. Black eyes starred back at me and I failed to recognize what was happening with me.

Gradually, I started to grasp what was happening. I was becoming a vampire. And all I did was visit the eye doctor. My sudden diva like appearance, black eyes, and aversion to light screamed that I was human no more. I wanted to run and hide out in the woods, but instead, I was stuck in a doctor's office crowded with humans. What I once thought was impossible and inconceivable had happened, to me.

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This story was meant to be humorous and the events are true with slight exaggerations and the outcome of being a vampire being the comedy.